Ireland: Squirrel Alcoholism Out of Control, says top expert

Dublin| The traditionally majestic and noble animals that were the irish squirrels, have gradually transformed themselves into parasitic drunks over the past few years, assaulting people and breaking into buildings to find booze.

“We have seen huge gangs of squirrel banding together to chew throught a liquor store door to steal dozens of bottles at once” explain Dublin’s police chief, Edward McGuiness. “They are attacking hooligans who carry beer at exit of football games, they are pillaging bars and liquor stores, we have to take radical measures now!” While right-wing parties and organisations demand the eradication of the rodents, ecologists and the Green Party are militating in favor of a major desintoxication program for the thousands of affected rodents, which could cost more than 36 million euros.