I like to consider myself a liberal guy, a free spirit if you will… happy to stay in all manner of ho(s)tels even if they’re scarily cheap. Y’know the type, where you have no idea who came before you but there’s a good chance it was a 50-year old former punk with lice problems.

It all changed when Gordon Ramsay’s ‘Hotel Hell’ came out. He would UV light all his rooms up and discover no end of creepy crawlies, semen and pubes strewn over the gaff.

That image never left me. But short of hiring CSI or giving Ramsay a bell, there wasn’t a great deal I could do about it, until now:

Try and deceive us now, semen. With this simple — and cheap — hack you’ll be all over your surroundings from now on. As Radiohead once sang, ‘No Surprises’.