28 Foods That Desperately Don’t Want To Eaten By You

The seed is sewn. Alone, cold and confused it battles for resources along with it’s numerous seed brethren. Clinging on to soil and moisture for dear life, everyday is a struggle. After surviving savage temperatures in the brutal winter, the seed is finally ready to pop its head through the soil, and say hello to the world. Beams of sunlight penetrate the clouds and cover the sprouting seed like a spotlight.

Day by day it grows stronger. Towering over the ground that once obscured it. Beelined for the stars. It gets to know it’s fellow seeds, hanging down motionless from their perspective vines, each one basking in the glory of the sun. Memories still fresh in their mind of the dark, cold earth they recently escaped.

But then, a disturbance in the distance, a screaming sound, it’s coming closer. Footsteps quicken as the sun turns the field gold. They’re coming. The seeds knew this day may come, but they hoped it wouldn’t. It’s now. The sharp curved device swings, silence is all around, their life flashes before their eyes as time stands still, they fall to the ground from once they came. And then nothing. The seed knew only too well that the hob beckoned, that the end was in sight. That it was destined to be eaten by us cruel, cruel humans….

This sad story is what faces many types of food around the world, never forget – they don’t want to be eaten.

1. “B-B-B but..B Butttt I thought we were friends.”

2. The aubergine knew this day would come.

3. These peppers were caught by surprise.

4. Luckily these carrots can see in the dark, they’ll need that where they’re going…

5. This vegetable is out of here.

6. He wants to know why you’re licking your lips.

7. “Don’t make me be a chip! Anything but a chip!”

8. This noodle will never forgive you.

9. How can you eat this banana with the puppy-dog eyes?

10. This cake thought you guys were sweet friends.

11. This buckwheat had a summer holiday planned.

12. This cookie doesn’t understand how it wronged you.

13. This chocolate bar wishes you never unwrapped it.

14. The top part of this vegetable doesn’t understand what the bottom part is so excited about.

15. This pepper is possessed.

16. This pickle just realised it’s heading for McDonald’s.

17. This hot cocoa thought you were better than this.

18. This pie just didn’t see it coming.

19. This pasta was hoping you weren’t like the others.

20. This Oreo just realised what that glass of milk is for.

21. This coconut doesn’t want to get cracked open, you monster.

22. How about a nice bowl of Spaghetti O-God-Whys?

23. This cheese thinks veganism is a much better option for you.

24. This drink thinks maybe you should sober up before making such rash decisions.

25. This apple knew this day was coming, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

26. This bread knows that you two could find a compromise.

27. This turkey thought that these things only happened in horror movies.

28. But this onion looks death in the face with a smile, knowing that you will weep as you cut him to pieces.

It’s a bloodbath out there for these poor ingredients. Everywhere they turn somebody is trying to burn them alive and then swallow them. The only acceptable things to eat are fruit and veg that have already fallen off trees, anything else is culinary murder. But it’s so damn tasty!