15 Awful Sexual Myths That You Need To Stop Believing Right Now

Sex and myths are like macaroni and cheese, they just fit perfectly together. A private thing for most people, it’s amazing how much a small bit of hearsay can dramatically affect people’s thoughts and attitudes towards sex. But we’re here to bust this case of lies wide open!

Ever heard that men cheat than more women? Myth. What about size mattering A LOT? Myth. It’s about time we debunked some of these tall tales, because they are affecting our sex lives every day.

Here are 15 massively popular myths about sex that you need to stop believing right now. It’s for your own good.

1. Men with big shoes…

There is actually NO correlation between shoe size and penis size! This is also apparently true for ear and hand size. So next time you see your mates’ size 14 feet, just remember… he has just as much chance of having a massive wang as you. Hope that makes you feel better about being single.

2. A pineapple a day… is just plain expensive

Smashing more myths; there is no evidence that specific foods can adjust the flavour of semen. Sorry girls. Research shows that sodium content of semen can affect taste, but sadly men can’t really control it. Thank God we’ve put that debate to bed, pineapples are not cheap.

3. Pulling out is no substitute for wrapping up

I know pornstars use this method, but it’s really not a winner. Pulling out (otherwise known as coitus interruptus) doesn’t work because, firstly a lot of men can’t get out in time. Secondly, pre-ejaculatory fluid can sometimes contain sperm, and thirdly it doesn’t stop STDS. Wrap up bitches.

4. I’ve got dinner on my mind

You may have heard that men think about sex every seven seconds… give us some credit please ladies. Men actually think about sex ONLY 19 times a day. That’s nothing. They also think about food 18 times a day, and sleep on average 11 times a day. Sex can do one if I’m having mac ‘n’ cheese for dinner.

5. It’s the pill… honest

Girls, sorry to burst your bubble, but there have been 44 studies that show that birth control does not cause weight gain. I know it’s a myth we’ve all heard before, but maybe it’s all those burgers and deep fried delights you keep eating babe…

6. Screw hitting the gym, lets just bang

I know there is a lot of sweating and raised heart rates, but sex is NOT a workout. Sorry everyone. On average intercourse only burns around 21 calories, which is literally nothing. Gone are the days when you can consider a day in bed healthy – sadly you’ve got to put on some pants and venture out to get that beach bod.

7. Marriage is not a sex killer

All you commitment phobic men out there, listen up! I know you think that once you put a ring on it, you’ll never see her naked again, but it’s all a myth. Studies have shown that married couples have higher sexual satisfaction, have more diverse sex, and have sex more frequently. Forget the myth and get that shit tied down boys!

8. Women are wankers too

Has your lady ever caught you relaxing in front of an adult movie? Of course she has, we’re all adults here. But if she tells you off, you can call her a hypocrite. 85% of women watch, or have watched, porn. They might not admit it, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Masturbate away my brothers!

9. Despite what Mum told you, wanking won’t make you go blind

Time for a case study: back in 2012 Sonny Nash wanked for 10 STRAIGHT HOURS at the annual Masturbate-a-thon. I can report that Nash has not gone blind, or grown hair on the palms of his hands. You are safe to continue.

10. “You have too many items in the bagging area”

Double bagging seems sensible doesn’t it? Two condoms are clearly better than one. Well you’re wrong. According to research the plastic rubs against each other and causes more splits and tears. One is plenty guys!

11. The search for the clitoris is life and death

As men we are always told that the search for the clitoris is like Indiana Jones searching for the Lost Ark. Important, vital, essential to everything. I can report that it’s not the case; the clitoral complex is a large internal structure that goes back into a woman’s body. It’s not the end of the world if you can’t find it lads.

12. No slice, no dice

Gents, I know it’s tempting to look at methods to make your penis larger. But don’t. EVER. It’s never going to work unless you go under the knife. Whether it’s pills, exercises or apparent ‘pornstar secrets’ – you have a 0% chance of success. Sorry to break hearts.

13. Not so premature after all…

There is a lot of talk about men and premature ejaculation, but it seems like it could all be rubbish. A 2005 multinational survey concluded the average duration of coitus before male climax was JUST 5.4 minutes. Don’t worry guys, it’s not bad, you’re just average.

14. Sex in the pool means no babies at all

So basically it all comes from a stat that spending more than 30 minutes in a hot tub can lower sperm count. People however have taken that on a leap and declared that sex in hot tubs means you can’t get pregnant. FALSE my Jacuzzi loving friends, heat nor water can stop a determined sperm from getting to his intended destination.

15. Old people do it

People think that because of the ageing process, that old people don’t get down to business. Well prepare to be shocked, because they do. In fact, the majority of people remain sexually active well into old age, and it has been proven to improve mental and physical health. You go Nan, get yours!

Take a second to breathe all that in, it’s big news. I hope I haven’t shattered too many people’s lives with this information, but it’s really all stuff you should already know. Hopefully putting some of these awful myths to bed can allow us all to move on and enjoy healthier better sex lives. Has all this talk of sex put you in the mood? Well hold your horses, here are some clear signs that your other half won’t be having sex with you tonight. Bummer.