10 Different Kinds Of Drunk From Different Kinds Of Drink
I’m no Scientist but I do know alcohol and of course, ethanol is ethanol, whatever form you drink it in – it’s going to get you drunk if you have enough. However, I’m fully of the belief that different tipples have varying effects on different people. Take my Aunt, for example, if you give that woman wine it’s a brawl waiting to happen but put a can of Fosters in her hand and she’s the most fun in the world (slight use of hyperbole but family is family).
If you were expecting some kind of science in this piece, you shall not be disappointed; here’s a snippet for you courtesy of pharmacologist Paul Clayton, “Studies of alcohol effects on motor and cognitive functioning have shown the individual differences in responses to alcohol are related to the specific types of effects that drinkers expect. In general, those who expect the least impairment are least impaired and those who expect the most impairment are most impaired under the drug. Moreover, this same relationship is observed in response to placebo.” Yada yada – he is absolutely correct, go Paul but the reasons for it aside, it acknowledges a difference in feeling from different drinks. The science pretty much stops here and my friend experience is going to step in.
Whatever way, you’re definitely getting drunk but which kind of drunk will you be? Of course, this may well vary from person to person but here are some of my generalised perceptions of different kinds of pissed.
1. Beer
Beer is cosy and familiar; you’re probably not branching out if you’re having a beer and it’s definitely not going to turn you into a going ‘out-out’ drunk. After 5 pints you’ll probably feel like you’ve eaten a banquet and it’s a great option when drinking with Dad and acting like a grown up.
Beer is best consumed when either:
A) Sat in boxers/underwear watching Netflix
B) The above with pizza
C) In a bar full of old men telling stories about the war
In essence, things aren’t likely to get totally fucking mental with beer – though, stay away from the Stella. Bring peanuts.
2. Vodka
Now, vodka is definitely my drink. There have been many hungover mornings where I’ve woken up and been pretty sure I’m actually 96.5% vodka – so this one comes from some dark and personal truths. VoddyK brings all to the surface, whether you’re hating or loving somebody right now, they’ll know by the end of that night. Imagine yourself a truth-stuffed pi ata and vodka is stood with a giant titanium bat smashing the shit out of you. Everything will seem like a good idea at the time.
3. Tequila
On the few times I’ve had tequila, I usually spend some time believing I can ride a rainbow-coloured unicorn…and then I’m sick. Basically, you’ll be a rowdy bastard until you spew. General behaviour will be crazy and the next day, the memories will be hazy as f*ck.
4. Wine
Some say wine drunk will always be the best kind of drunk; you’ll feel super classy, sexy and you can hold that glass with an air of superiority that the pint drinkers around you cannot quite pull off. You’ll put the world to rights and feel like a bloody sophisticated superstar as you do it. As a golden rule, never, ever follow wine with beer – and don’t give a glass to my aunt.
5. Whiskey
Whiskey can lead to an excessively confident drunk. You’ve got a classy as hell drink on the rocks – automatically classy yourself. You may well pretend to sniff it to know it’s of a good quality, you’ll probably be picturing a cigar in your other hand and you all of a sudden feel like a worldly-wise, savvy bastard. It’s not to be chugged and you hold it like a true gent – the whiskey drinker likes to pretend they know what they’re talking about.
6. Cider
It’s summer, you don’t actually like beer but you just tell your mates you prefer cider. If you’re on a budget, it’s definitely coming from a plastic bottle. The ultimate festival drink that’ll satisfy that sweet-tooth too. Prepare to feel bloated after this one too.
7. J gerbomb
If alcoholic drinks had trends, j gerbombs would be one. Originally a shot of j ger dropped into a beer, they’re now usually mixed with red bull which makes for a bloody rowdy crowd. You’ll probably feel like you’ve got wings – word of warning – you definitely don’t (unless there’s a butterfly reading this, in which case, j gerbomb away). After one, more will always feel like a good idea…it’s not a good idea.
8. Gin
Bring the tissues, the gin tears are coming. Also known as mother’s ruin, it’s important to know the ruin isn’t restricted to just women with child. There’s nothing like a few glasses of g&t to get the waterworks going. An alcohol that was originally used for medical purposes says it all really.
9. Rum
Turn into a pirate, smoke a joint and then probably give less fucks than you’ve ever given in your life. It’d be irresponsible of me to promote alcohol but…rum is brilliant. Drink rum kids.
10. Absinthe
Who knows? Absinthe will take you into a vortex of ‘beyond drunk’ after the first few sips. You’ll emerge into a parallel universe where you’re now held hostage by your very own brain and anything it chooses to make you hallucinate is fair game. If there’s one thing I’ve been taught the hard way about absinthe, it’s that you can trust her.
It’s also fair to consider how these different drinks are commonly consumed, straight or with a mixer. If you’re going in hard, it’s likely to make you more shitfaced and completely uncontrollable. Though I have my vodka with DC and that doesn’t seem to prevent the absolute bloody chaos.