14 Reasons Women Should Never Lift Weights

1. Because who wants to speed up their metabolism, anyway?

The afterburn effect (or, if you’re a scientist, “prolonged elevations of postexercise metabolic rate”) means increased metabolism after certain kinds of exercise, like resistance workouts. So, obviously, stay away, because WHAT A DRAG.

2. And less belly fat? NOT INTERESTED.

Extra fat in the ol’ belly area means bad things for cardiovascular health. Aaaand some of us are belly-concerned for aesthetic reasons. Either way weight training means a healthier waist circumference. But, again, no one’s really worried about all that.

3. Plus, feeling confident is totally overrated.

4. Also, back pain actually feels great and is not a life ruiner.

For improved pain and quality of life, back pain sufferers should consider weightlifting. If, for some reason, they want relief from their chronic pain, that is.

5. And staying healthy and in shape as you age is like, such a bummer.

Weight training helps stabilize body fat, prevent weight gain, and preserve lean mass over the long term. Ugh, gross.

6. And what’s so great about being able to carry your own luggage, groceries, etc.?

Not a damn thing, that’s what. Lifting weights till the point of failure means you’re building muscle, which means you’re getting stronger. The horror!

7. When it comes to actually living longer: What’s the BFD?

Strength training makes people more physically active in their daily lives, which means less time spent sedentary, which can contribute to a longer life. YAWN.

8. Because everyone <3′s hours and hours of cardio.

Why burn fat efficiently and effectively when you can spend hours on the treadmill?

9. Not to mention that weak or broken bones aren’t really that much of a hassle.

10. Day-to-day stress and anxiety keeps things exciting.

Which is why it’s important to avoid weight training’s mental health benefits at all costs.

11. Struggling with self-esteem is basically a hobby at this point.

12. What’s better than feeling tight, immobile, and stiff all at once?

Do NOT get involved with strength training; it improves flexibility, which is just an all-around nope.

13. And running, swimming, or cycling further and faster are not priorities for anyone.

I mean, if they were, mixing longer cardio workouts and strength training sessions would be a great idea because that results in better aerobic conditioning and endurance. But, again, not priorities for anyone, don’t waste your time.