It is a common misconception that people who don’t like other people are anti-social. In fact we are very social, with an approved list of about 7 people we actually like. No offence to the rest of society, but life is short and we’d rather not spend it with people we can’t tolerate. Every day is filled with forced interactions and conversations we’d rather not be a part of. People who get us understand that sometimes we are a witty delight and sometimes we’d rather just put our headphones in and avoid any actual human interaction. That being said, there are certain things, only other people who hate other people, will truly understand:
1. Resting bitch face is your thing The more unapproachable you look, the less chance there is of anyone approaching you.
2. There are like 3 people you can actually tolerate for long periods of time
Your favourite friend is the one you can watch 9 consecutive episodes of Dexter with, without exchanging a single word. The foundation of your friendship is built on a mutual dislike of other people. Everyone else can only be tolerated on a bi-monthly basis for no longer than two consecutive hours at a time.
3. One of your talents is pretending to be interested in plans you actually have no intention of attending Your absolute favourite thing is when people cancel plans. You pretend to be disappointed. Sometimes you even throw in a “don’t worry we’ll reschedule soon” for effect.
4. Friendly strangers are the devil Small talk is your worst nightmare. Small talk with strangers is even worse; after all, why waste your energy on someone you’re never going to see again. Chatty hairdressers, beauticians and nail technicians make the top of your irritation list, after all, why should a hair cut come with an obligatory 25 minute conversation about how terrible the weather is.
5. Sarcasm is your coping mechanism
All your pent up frustration comes out in the form of sarcastic comments. Which in your personal opinion is much better than the possible alternative of punching people in the face.
6. You often wonder why people can’t be more like you You have mastered the art of minimal communication and as far as you’re concerned it’s working. You are awesome, hilarious and delightful, after coffee, over text, to people who actually care about what you have to say. Why can’t everyone else take a leaf?
7. You have zero tolerance for stupid people The problem with stupid people is that they have no idea how stupid they are.
8. Texting is your favourite form of communication You wish people would stop calling you, you don’t use your phone for that. In fact the only thing more annoying than unnecessary phone calls are Whatsapp group messages; you have to be in the right mood for them and that mood comes around almost never.
9. Children irritate you for no reason what-so-ever Their energy and spirit drains you. You often wonder if child-free restaurants are actually a thing and keep mentally reminding yourself to Google it.
10. You are convinced certain people exist for the sole purpose of pissing you off Everyone as a purpose in life. This must be theirs.
In our defence, we wouldn’t dislike most people, if people weren’t so ridiculously annoying. We have accepted that our every day life is going to be filled with interactions which we can’t be bothered with. If everyone else could be so kind as to accept certain realities as well, we’d all get along just fine. The fact of the matter is, we are going to take one or two days to reply to most texts, we won’t crack a smile before our morning coffee and this is JUST what our face looks like, for the love of God please stop asking what’s wrong. Once all these things have been grasped, we’ll probably get along just fine, or at the very least, learn to co-exist.